People don't tell me anything! They tell me bull shit I tell you! I'm so lost and confused, no one tells me anything! Anything at all.. They are just waiting for me to be eaten by the darkness they left me in. Silence. It destroys me more than millions of confusing, harsh cold words. Why feel something, when in the end it will hurt you. Why say something without thinking, but knowing in the end. It's going to end with someone crying.

Why doesn't Linc tell me anything anymore..I offer times to talk. But in the end. It's always Jessica who gets the last word. I like the little things..it's one of the things I care about..But he keeps saying I'm a worse loose than Jessica. But he doesn't know not telling me the little things hurts me..He says he doesn't wanna hurt me..but he already did..

I'm sorry that I haven't been blogging much. It's just I lost of things to write about. Everytime I remember it, I forget to do it. Sorry 'bout that, I also took off the tag board because I want you people to comment more. Put comments into the entrys not the tag board. Thank you. I'll try post more often.

During lunch I asked Sarah to come to my house cause I wanted to show her something. She agreed and begged for internet time. So I let.She has her computer back but no internet. So After school I wait for like a long time and my friends Taryn and Justin were getting impatient. So we started walking. There Sarah comes all late and She tells us to wait while were's yelling and swearing at her to hurry up. She was talking to"friends" Anyways we are walking back and we're almost late for the bus and She talking to Carissa. Carissa was borrowing Sarah's book and she left it in the Math room so sarah had to get it. I kept walking because she was pissing me off just stopping off everytime making me almost late. For the bus. I know I could walk home it's just my back gives me problems and it hurts with my heavy mathbook and stuff in my bag. So she told me  she was going to runand get it but I had to go and did'nt hear. So I go home blah blah blah Hours later she calls at my cousin's house dissing me and shit calling me a bad friends. Oh  "A good friend would've waited for me." "Well I did and you almost made me late." "So you could walk home." "You know shut up." "I told you I had to get my mathbook. " "I did'nt hear it damn it." She kept on complaining and shit god she pisses me off so I hung up. Fuck she pissed me off and I'm even more pissed now. I'm not even gunna talk to her tomorrow. She thinks I'd be making an excuse with the backache thing. But I did get hit by a car when I was young. It hurts so badly just to bend all the way back and I hit my side of my back and god...She think I'd be lying....

My life is screwwie...I hate hate it.

Andrew has'nt talked to me since Wednesday and I'm worried either something bad has happened or he's ignoring me fora stupid little two sentence fight. I'm so confused why he won't answer my PMs. WHy he is'nt on AIM. I can't call to ask what is wrong because of my stupid mother. Today like the past two days are gunna be shit. Shit Shit Shit. I'll go cry in my corner now. Asking myself what the hell I did to deserve this.

I feel so guilty. I made AJM mad because of my stupid disorder. My Emotional Disorder. Extreme Mood Swings. From Happy to Depressed. .2 Secongs flat.. I hate it so. I make people mad. Say things I don't really mean. Do things I don't really mean. I hurt more than myself. I hurt them all. My mind. I can't push away problems. They just won't no matter how hard I try. They just stick there, for a long time not even going away. I drive them crazy...I'm driving myself crazier...God I need help...But they would'nt be able to help me. If I can't even help my own self..

1.       It’s time for break when…

I can’t stand to watch my computer skrin and they started to look alike the matrix code came out of it.

 

2.       What’s scarier: Commitment, Vasectomy or a dent on your car?

Dent in my bootiful car? NUUUUUUUUUUU

 

3.       If you could change one thing, what could it be?
Make the world have no money!

4.       What is decolletage?

Colgate??

 

5.       What’s the zaniest thing you’ve done to impress a man/woman?

 Forget....it's been...like....a year since I've done anything like that. xD

 

6.       A man/woman will catch your eyes…
They way they act I guess

 

7.       Why do man/woman…

 are obsessed with themselves

 

8.       What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Me of course!!

 

9.       If you were to make the headlines in a tabloid, what would it say?

Frist Woman to Run for President and Get nominated!

 

10.   Describes youself in three words.

Crazy, thoughtfull, funny.

 

11.   If I were an animal, I would want to be …

Wolf or a Horse

 

12.   What’s is your worst fear?

Heights, cockaroaches, loosing AJM

 

13.   What never fails to make you smile?

AJM, Animals
 

14.   What can’t you leave home without?

Phone and (in my dreams) pda

 

15.   What do you do to relax?

Spa...
 

16.   What do you wish you had more of?

Money, AJM, Freedom, AJM....AJM..

 

17.   Favourite spot?

My computer chair in front of my computer

 

18.   Which part of Honolulu holds the fondest memoried for you?

Diamond Head

 

19.   What was the strangest thing you’ve seen in the city?

Bums swearing at little kids.

 

20.   If you were th mayor of Honolulu, the first thing you would do is?

Make new laws..::ebil grin::

 

21.   Which do you think the most overrated palce in Honolulu?

School

 

22.   If we peeked into you fridge, what would we find?

Alot of junk you would'nt wanna eat.

 

23.   Describes the contents of your handbag.

Cellphone, keys, mirror,(in my dreams)pda

 

24.   What puts a frown to your face?

Seeing Fur Coats
 

25.   What do you sing in the shower?

Alot of things.

 

26.   What’s your worst habit?

Finger Nail Biting x.x

I was reading something and I got me thinking about things. But I totally agree with them. Online Relationships. Yes, most of you would think it's two losers who can't get a date in real life. But you are not them are you now? Are you the one's having feelings for a person who is far away. But here where I start talking.

See, I've been in an online relationship for about 6 months now and we had a little fight here and there just like only two times  but then other than that it's perfect bliss except for one thing. This boy, who I love a whole lot lives across the united states from me. Yea I got ocean, mountains and lots lots of ground just to get there. I know the fact I can't hug him or just even slightly touch him. But I have more than that..I have his love.

But how can you love someone who you never seen before? It's the thoughts and feelings from them that counts. I've talked to his mother for god sakes. And there is his friends that I talk to. I know he is'nt fake like most of you might think. He is certainly not a 40 year old fat, hairy, horny bastard who never been on a date in his life.

He's more than that. I'll prove it to you all. Once I get a picture with him..
If you want to make my dreams come true of meeting him...
uh..email me....

Maybe I love the show to much. But all I know. It speaks to me. Even if it's a bit serious and depressing. But I love the show. Witch Hunter Robin. xD

The music playing is currently from the show. I describe it in one word. Complete Serenity.
I don't feel like typing much but I guess I will just go with the flow of typing. If I could. I'd sit around all day in front of my computer all day. But I don't have my own room for privacy and also don't have my own computer. But alas it's better than nothing at all. I think and type not knowing what the hell I'm typing. Just my thoughts flowing through my fingers and typeing quietly and efforlessly through it all. I wonder sometimes how I can jump to subject to subject not caring about the previous conversation and the subject before. How I can be if I lived a different life if I did'nt have my mom around now. It still amazes me why I'm still alive when dying is so tempting but living with the one I love sounds just as great. A fight between wants and needs. This is just plain confusing me so I'll just blab off elsewhere.

Sometimes, Before I take a shower. I just laydown on the bathroom floor and think. I leave the water running. It's the the sound that is a soothing to one's ears.(No, I don't do this in the nude.) Well tonight, while doing this. I hear my parent argue outside about money and such. If I have'nt told you before. My family is quite poor and they don't like getting me as much things as they would like to. But I don't exactly like living here though. It's like living in hell. My sweet, innocent, precious childhood was spoiled by unhappiness at a young age. Well enough about my complaints on my family life.

School life, is something I don't talk much about really. I don't belong there. I know I'm just a shadow that passes through without a notice or without much of a care. Unless I'm wearing something outragously noticeable. Or said something. I won't get much attention. Just another face in the crowd. Alot of people feel that way. I have friends. Sure they'll miss me a bit. But if I leave they won't care after that. It's just my good friends who will actually care if I'm gone.

Life is'nt perfect I know. It's just how we live it makes it flawless/completely flawed in so many ways.
Just so you guys know. I got tickets to a Blink 182 concert. Second row. Lucky me eh? Heh. I can't wait. April 3. After the concert I'll talk about it.